Given that this day is about bringing my dysfunctional sibs to the table, I was inspired by today’s Daily OM to express the following:
Oh, to be loved. If only I’d learned such a thing as a kid. Instead, I took care of my parents whose shortcomings and lack of confidence put them in a position to live the lives as pretenders. Rather than accept who they were, love who they were and BE who they were, they aimed to live in a town where they were NOT welcome and that was after this UT girl was rejected as a City girl from one of this City’s prestigious ALL-girl independent schools. Please note, first rejection on record.
Granted NYC in the 1960’s was not much to write home about if you aimed to be part of an establishment to which you were not born. S and S were NOT of the City but rather Long Island (one of the Five Towns) and the north shore of Chicago. Their “privileged” upbringing(s) means that they were educated as in the case of the Long Islander, a first generation American, and the North Shore Suburbanite, a fifth generation American. The New Yorker was raised by a nanny, the MidWesterner wasn’t. In coming of age, having met while they were both in graduate school in “Cambridge,” yes, Cambridge, MA, they moved to NYC together and set out to create a life together on the Upper West Side. I suspect that had they been true to themselves, they might not have moved out of the City or perhaps moved to Brooklyn or MAYBE Scarsdale, where “people like them” were welcome. Where a blonde hair blue eyed daughter might have accepted her heritage and NOT aimed to be like the blue blooded Wasps with whom she played. But then, a kid is a kid and at a certain juncture, all she wants to do is “fit in.” Which is precisely what happened to S & S. They wanted to fit in. BUT had they embraced their inner selves, they might have found a community where they could BE themselves and not TRY to be something they weren’t.
Despite my rant, I understand that as parents, they did the best they could. Now that they are no longer here, and believe me, I miss them dearly despite their shortcomings, it is incumbent upon me to accept myself for who I am, from whence I’ve come and to do my best to encourage my children to like love themselves and just be the best they can be, whatever their aspirations, now and in the future.
April 19, 2008
Libra Daily Horoscope
You are likely attracting a great deal of attention and praise from your loved ones and peers today, so you may feel more charming than usual. A sense that you are captivating others with your wit or wisdom can inspire curiosity within you, prompting you to question the origin of your new magnetism. You may discover that the answer is simple and lies in your smile, your laughter, and your openness. As you express your amiability and generous spirit, you will likely find that you never want for company and are bombarded with friendly overtures from individuals who are cheerful and buoyant. If you allow your natural ebullience to shine forth today, you will unconsciously invite good people into your life.
And with that, i have to say, it’s good to be loved but most important is to love yourself. And since I turned 40, I’m doing a fairly good job. There’s one problem though, I’m getting a bit frustrated over the ideas I generate and inability to be monetarily compensated. As the husband tells me, it’s all in the execution. So, on to execution…
peace, love and executionally yours,